::Advice:: Before the BIG DAY

 Pre-Wedding/Wedding night Advice for Young Christian Women

Now in my last advice post I mentioned I wanted to elaborate on some advice that I gave at the end of the post on preparing yourself.

A little back story before I start.
I stayed completely pure for my wedding day. For those that are wondering what I mean by that...
I was a virgin when I got married.
AND
I saved my very first kiss ever for my wedding day.

*gasp*

I'm not expecting for everyone to be shocked. It's very typical for a christian girl like myself to do such things. ;)
It was something I chose to do when I was an early teen. I knew saving myself would make my wedding day special and it was something I knew would please my Holy Father as well.
As I entered and went through High School I was looked at kind of weird, not only for saving myself, but for also going to extra mile to even save my first kiss for my wedding day.

To be perfectly honest though, I never saw the sense in dating in high school and dating around for that matter. I guess looking back I was very confident God wasn't going to bring me my husband in high school. Hehe. Which turned out to be a true. ;) I even attempted to date someone going off to college and that was an epic fail on my part. I should have known better.

NOW before I got any further. This is a non-judgmental post. I do not, IN ANY WAY, judge people who chose to date in high school, not save themselves for marriage, didn't save their first kiss, or any of those things.  I am just telling my story in hopes someone out there will get something from my advice that might help them or encourage them that they aren't crazy for waiting till their wedding day. Everyone has their own lives, thoughts, and actions and I am in no place to judge them for that. God leads everyone down their own path and writes their own story and I am only speaking from mine.

OK moving on.

I could go on and on about how I made it through high school and early college staying completely pure (even though most people found me annoying and weird) until I met and eventually married Steve.
But that is for another post.
I will say this. Do NOT ever go back on your morals or convictions, or date someone who questions them. I had one person who constantly question my morals and made me feel horrible about myself.
YOU WILL find someone that understands them and loves you. Trust me. Don't ever forget that.
You will find one ladies. Just wait and pray.

OK REALLY MOVING ON NOW..

Here is some advice for the young women who are in preparation for you wedding day, in more ways then one ;)


Talk to your husband:
Once you're engaged, be open with your husband. Ask questions and make sure you are on the same page. "Are we going to take precautions" " how do you feel about...." and so on and so fort.
I mean, you are going to be spending the rest of your life with this person, might as well put it all out there from the start ;)

Talk to your mom:
I know most girls aren't comfortable talking to their moms about "certain topics" but don't be afraid. Remember your mom was once in your shoes too. Maybe not the same exact shoes but close ;) I have a really open relationship with my mom so I did ask her things I wasn't sure about, especially that oh so fun topic, sex.

Oh and for the moms reading this out there. Let your daughters know that its ok to ask questions. I know its probably weird to talk to your daughter about sex and all those other fun things, but its better to talk then not talk.
Make them feel comfortable. My mom always told me I could ask her anything and it would stay between us. That made it so easy to talk to her. Don't pressure them to talk but let them know they can ask you questions and have support.
Especially if your daughter has saved themselves for their wedding day. They are going to have questions.


To Pill or Not to Pill:
I decided (and prayed) fairly early about whether or not I was going to go on the pill. I decided to take the precaution and go on the pill early. Steve was in agreement and supported me all the way. My husband and I are in no place to have a baby right off the bat. We trust that God will bless us with a child eventually. Just not right now.
If you are going to go on the pill. Make sure your give yourself 4+ months before your wedding. That way the pill has time to regulate itself and your body.  I am glad I went on mine as early as I did. It gives your body time to adjust.

See an OB/GYN:
I saw my general doctor a couple months before my wedding when I decided to go on the pill. As much as I loved my general doctor I wish I would have taken the extra step to see a OB/GYN as well.
Here is where I am going to get a little blunt but its the only way to get my point across.
Seeing an OB/GYN before is a great idea because they can help prepare you for that special day with your husband (if you catch my drift) and help make it go smoother. ESPECIALLY if your body is not used to things going on "down there" besides your monthly flow.
I learned this after the fact and kind of wish I had gone to see a OB/GYN sooner.
An OB's job is to make sure everything is ok "down there" and they can help you feel more at ease.

Side note: I am not a Doctor, nor do i have medical experience. These thoughts are just my thoughts and opinion on the matter.


Do not have expectations:
 You know how I said don't have set expectations when wedding dress shopping? 
Well... don't have them your wedding night either.
Don't get me wrong. That first night sleeping in the same bed with your husband is an amazing feeling and is probably one of my favorite memories with my husband.
But don't expect "movie magic" when it comes to the things you do before you fall asleep. 
I made sure the only thing my husband and I expect to be amazing and out of this world on the night of our wedding was that we would get fall asleep in  each others arms. 
That way whatever did happened before our eyes closed, happened and I wouldn't result in two depressed newlyweds.
You both will be newbies. Go with the flow and know that the first night doesn't have to be perfect. You have the rest of your lives to get better and practice..... OK im going to stop now. I think you get the point..

Read:
These were some books that helped me before and after our wedding. They were quick reads but helped encourage us both and some even helped explain some things ;) 

Expect to be different:
Finally, prepare yourself to be different than other newlyweds. This hit me like a slap in the face after a month of marriage. Steve and I both worked, Steve working 12hr shifts on a rough schedule, and sometimes we didn't act like newlyweds because one or both of us were so tired/stressed out. I would get so upset because I wanted to be these happy full of love and life newlyweds like the word told me we should be.
But that wasn't our lives and I realized that God just wanted me to be a newlywed in our situation, not how the world told us we should be. Newlywed life wasn't going to be full of joy and 24hrs physical contact and lovey dovey eyes for Steve and I. It was going to be long days and full schedules. I just needed to do with the life God placed us in. Even if it meant that our time together wasn't over a romantic meal or a nice leisurely stroll, but was us laying in our bed at the end of the day and having pillow talk.
So, be open to what kind of "newlywed" situation God puts you in.

I hope something I babbled on about here helps you or encourages you in someway shape or form! 

Till next time happy readers! 
Pre-Wedding/Wedding night Advice for Young Christian Women

2 comments:

  1. You are an AMAZING woman of God! I am so proud to know you Samantha & even prouder that my daughter has someone like you to look up to!! Thank you for posting this. I know even if they don't say so, there are girls out there that this will truly help. Thank you!!! xo

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